haphazard musings

7 Mar

this week has yielded a whole lot of odd things running amok in my head and they need to get out. so here is a jumbled mess in no particular order…

–  i should have bought more girl scout cookies. but when i was filling out the form everyone else had only ordered a box or two so i followed suit. i considered hiding them from m and hook when they came in but then thought better of it. now they are gone. damn my need to conform sometimes.

–  even though i don’t want to i will examine and consider and reexamine every decision i make for the next several weeks with exacting scrutiny – be it to drink a half-caf americano or to run only 23 miles this week or to skip a few meals here and there over the course of a few days due to nausea from bcp. of course if these decisions happen to be the absolutely correct ones as evidenced by success with IVF then it will all be for naught. or maybe it won’t be. i don’t even know. regardless i am already wondering what i should or shouldn’t be doing to improve the probability here. sort of like improving my vegas odds. can you even do that? i need to consult a shark right about now.

–  yesterday my boss asked me how i dealt with a certain situation. i responded that i had stabbed my colleague in the throat with a pen. (yes i am an a.ttorney and no i did not actually perform a pen tracheotomy at work or anywhere else for that matter).  he just laughed. quite a bit actually. i am fortunate that i can engage in this playful banter with my overseer. it makes my job completely bearable and i think it will be especially helpful in the weeks to come.

– i was able to run outside on day this week after work. since it was still light out. and m could pick up hook. and it was not overly icy. most importantly this meant i was not on the dread treadmill. and i was moving and thinking and breathing. it was perfect and delightful. and i was almost giddy for those short six miles before the sun set.

–  my teeth and jaw are becoming casualties of IF. a few years ago my dentist noticed that i grind my teeth – something i never noticed – so we deduced it had to be when i slept. and i have always clenched my jaw when i am stressed. but recently i actually wake myself up grinding/clenching. i wonder if my RE writes prescriptions for mouth guards…

–  we bought hook a new bike today. and a baseball tee and bat. obviously we are pushing the whole idea of spring quite a bit. but in our defense it has been nearly 40 for a few days. this is huge here in the midwest so we are embracing it. and it turns out the kid may have some natural baseball abilities we have unearthed. that is one of the amazing things about kids – you never really know where their talents lie. and with an anonymous sperm donor you also have only a partially picture as well. of course we know m’s family and history but we are seeing how the donor has contributed to our amazing kid as well. it’s sort of like this amazing unfolding gift day after day.

–  the only pie i like has vegetables in it. Or ice cream. Obviously not together. It’s just not my thing.

– my prescriptions arrived today in a big old packing box. via F.edEx saturday delivery. and an assortment of syringes. and needles. rather than being overwhelmed by it i am comforted to have it all here. in my possession. my modicum of control in an otherwise rather tumultuous set of circumstances.

– m just came home with mashed potatoes. and more girl scout cookies. clearly she loves me.


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