sure it might be your job, but it’s my life

14 Mar

there are so many little things in life that bring me comfort. very little things. and this week they were disrupted a bit. thursday morning i ran. and then thursday i left work at the end of the day to run again. a very rare pleasure for me. much needed and much appreciated. just a decent run around the lake with a friend. but once we returned to the cars everything shifted. my passenger window was smashed. shattered. my jacket. my backpack. my bag with my work  clothes, shoes, my watch – gone. my i.pod and headphones and armband – gone. my beloved n.orthface jacket that made its way through italy with me – no more. my license, my credit cards, gift cards, insurance cards, pictures of hook that i had carried around with me for the past 5 years. all taken. and my backpack. filled with all the things that i take with me everyday. suddenly just not there anymore. and most of the things in it don’t mean anything to anyone. sure there were a number of items of considerable financial value. but there were so many more that no one can ever replace. and that no one will be able to understand what they meant to me. cards. words. pictures. papers. my water bottles. my glasses. prescriptions. old training schedules. pictures from the kid. rocks from all over. things that meant something to me. and only me. words that i wrote down because i needed to. and because i wanted to. and because i had to. just to get by. and now they have been taken. and tainted. and i think that is the hardest part. i cancelled the credit cards. i have already replaced the window. i will be reimbursed for some of the items that were taken. but the things that can’t be replaced are the things that leave the gaping hole. it really is the little things to me. the details. it always has been. and now the details are disrupted. and tainted.

for months i have carried around all of the paperwork related to ivf and the RE. all of my test results. my prescription protocols. my receipts. the questions i had. the notations from the RE on the handouts. copies of the consents and disclosures. it was all calming. and centering. and it made me feel like i had a handle on something. that it was within my grasp. or at least i could look over it and pretend that i knew what was going on when everything seemed so unstable and so unsure. needless to say it was in my backpack. and now it is gone. this has been difficult to accept. not only are the physical papers gone but the sense of security that they provided is also gone. (not to mention my personal medical information is floating around who knows where). yesterday i called the RE’s office to request a copy of the medication protocol because while i am pretty familiar with what i am supposed to start when I would like to be absolutely certain. i left a message at the nurses desk detailing the situation and asking for the booklet and copies, etc.  while at the bank closing my checking account i received a message from a nurse. it was curt. to the point. and completely inaccurate. some of the dates were a day off. and the medications were well wrong. i was pissed not happy. so i called back and left another message expressing my concerns. then i went to replace my drivers license. and pick up my race packet. and search trash cans around the scene of the crime in hope that my criminal non-essentials (basically the things i really cared about) had been dumped close by – (no luck). this time i was available when the same nurse called back. she was perhaps more curt. and told me that yes i was correct that the thousands of dollars worth of medication i have sitting at my house is what i am supposed to take (ah yes i know) so i should just cross off the f.ollistim 300 she wrote in the packet she sent and write in the b.ravalle 400 and just do that. then i asked about the dates. she insisted she was correct and that i just needed to follow what she said. and that i could look at it when it arrived in the mail. the entire conversation was infuriating. basically she sounded annoyed that i had called and asked for me own information. then more annoyed when i wanted it to be correct. i know this is something the nurses do everyday. and questions that they answer all the time. however i’m also pretty sure this is part of the job. and it might be what they do all day, but it is not what i do all day. in fact i don’t ever do it. and i have paid a whole heck of a lot of money. so really i want it all to be right. and i understand that does not buy me a guarantee. but i can at least hope that if everything goes properly, i never have to be concerned about such a protocol again. having the stuff taken in the first place made me feel like a bit of my security was gone but i deserve to have at least a little of it back – even if that is only through a kind voice and an accurate piece of paper. they should expect to hear from me again on monday.

complete aside – ran a 10 mile race this morning. i think i have a little bit of an affair with running. it is my sanity. and i managed to get a PR.


One Response to “sure it might be your job, but it’s my life”

  1. lis 6 Tue-05:002010-03-16T08:20:23-05:00-05:0003b-05:00Tue, 16 Mar 2010 08:20:23 -0500 2009 at 8:20 AM #

    how scary! and sad. im so sorry your things were taken and your good time was violated like that…god i hate nurses like that. why did they even get into this field if they can’t even handle a question from a stressed out patient? even if your IVF is super easy, it’s still worrisome when you start talking about medication. and you are right, you should get the very best of attitudes for what you are paying. i’d hang up and call back and ask to speak to someone else. the person on the phone will probably understand why.
    good luck!

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