strange to think

i could be pregnant right now. it’s strange to think about. surreal. i feel good about everything. not really all that different per se but still confident that things are moving forward and these little blasts are happily imbedding in my progesterone in oil supported uterus. it’s a feeling i am not entirely accustomed to and i am enjoying it. felt somewhat crampy for most of the afternoon. i am embracing it as a sign of good things to come.

back to work this morning after ~44 hours of “bed rest”. needed to get back to the grind thus cutting out the additional 4 hours that were prescribed. a minor bending of the rules. woke up not incredibly happy with the prospect of 7 back to back meetings but also knowing that they provide a nice continuous distraction. and honestly work was a little crazy today. but in a not really relevant to my life sort of way. have i mentioned my indifference to my job? 7 more meetings tomorrow. at this point my days are all just minor deviations on the way to my blood test. i am currently feeling only minimally anxious about the wait. i only googled one related thing today. not so bad! one of my other struggles of the past few days has been with the RE instructions after transfer. specifically the thorn in my paw was the one that said “do not drink or eat caffeine”. first no running and now no chocolate. and not even any decaf coffee. oh the horror. seriously. torturous. especially when my mom sent these gorgeous dark chocolate bars from ireland made by a company with the tagline “purveyors of happiness”. did i mention torture? i actually called the nurses today and asked if i could have a cup of decaf coffee. the nurse chuckled and said to go for it but to not go overboard. i am a wild one but i kept it to one cup.

for now i will skip the caffeine. not run. diligently work. eat healthy. think good thoughts. and enjoy the next few days believing this could all be really happening.