everything is okay, until it’s not…

28 Apr

it seems wrong that progesterone shots, estrogen patches, AF, and early pregnancy all have rather similar symptoms. up until sunday i was absolutely convinced that the IVF cycle had worked. and then suddenly i wasn’t. i woke up in the middle of the night with crazy cramping. and since then it has continued on and off. this could mean nothing. it could be good. it could be bad. but really at this point all it has done is served to plant a seed of doubt in my mind. i started go.ogling things. m started reading blogs. and in the end we decided that we just have to have faith that everything is okay until we are told otherwise.

i have been tempted to take an HPT – i still have one left form the last round of IUI’s. i was up at 4:30 this morning considering it. but i haven’t. truth be told it’s easier to just believe when you don’t have a reason not to. the RE’s office had warned of the possibility of incorrect results on an HPT due to the continuing cocktail so why create a potentially false belief either way.

all along i have been trying to brace myself for whatever the results may be. i make plans in my head. i think of being frantic calm and distraught accepting.  i think of the next steps. i know we lucked out with the 4 frosties so we can possibly try a FET if we can scrounge up the money. we are so very fortunate to have hook. and he is more than enough. sometimes i even wonder if it is possible to love more than one child as much as i love him. i’m sure it must be but without having to i am not completely convinced. so if it is a no-go we will be okay. i believe this (or i am convincing myself that i do right now at least). of course i am hoping beyond hope for a BFP.and i do believe we have a fighting chance.

appointment in the am. results in the afternoon. 6 meetings mixed in between. tomorrow is the day of reckoning. one way or another.


2 Responses to “everything is okay, until it’s not…”

  1. lis 6 WedUTC2010-04-28T11:03:38+00:00UTC04bUTCWed, 28 Apr 2010 11:03:38 +0000 2009 at 11:03 AM #

    i dunno jill, kinda sounds like baby cramps to me. when i got PG i had these horrible cramps one night and i turned to T and said “if i don’t get my period in the morning i am definitely pregnant” because really, how often do you get TERRIBLE cramps with no period the next morning??

    hope i don’t make your day drag by slower with that tidbit!

  2. lis 6 ThuUTC2010-04-29T08:58:24+00:00UTC04bUTCThu, 29 Apr 2010 08:58:24 +0000 2009 at 8:58 AM #

    thinking of you…

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