one week in

6 May

so just a week ago i received the great – and shocking – news. and since then i have been in the process of digesting. processing. thinking. for the most part everything still seems exactly the same. well physically at least. minor changes. i know there are bound to be changes coming soon but it still is hard to wrap my head around without them. yesterday things seemed off. different somehow. i was panicking a bit wondering if everything was still progressing as it should be. i was convinced that something bad had happened overnight. not that there was anything to make me think this but i woke up not having to pee. not feeling like my boobs had spent the previous night as a punching bags. (of course i discounted the fact that i was up in the middle of the night and yes, i was feeling pretty beaten around the chest at that point).  perhaps that is one of the drawbacks of IF – you are too aware of all of the potential pitfalls and problems that could arise. i’ve never been here. to this unchartered territory of pregnancy. everything is new. everything feels different. even when it doesn’t feel any different. so i asked m to pick up some hpt’s. knowing of course that they would not be a cure all to allay my fears but at a minimum it would be something to tide me over. so i took one. but not helpfully neither box had any sign in it. not even the control line. great. then later the pregnant line appeared but still not the control. fascinating. by then i was feeling like i was just being ridiculous so i waited a whole 11 hours before i took another one this morning. and yes this time it worked. and the plus appeared immediately. (different type of test this time). i don’t know what to expect. you wait so long to actually be pregnant and then you still spend all your time waiting. between procedures. between tests. between appointments. right now i am counting down the days to the first u/s and trying not to lose my mind…

and apparently build-a-baby is now the size of a strawberry seed or perhaps even a sesame seed. working on wrapping my head around that too.

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One Response to “one week in”

  1. lis 6 ThuUTC2010-05-06T09:05:38+00:00UTC05bUTCThu, 06 May 2010 09:05:38 +0000 2009 at 9:05 AM #

    oh man a week! so you are 5 weeks if my IVF math is correct?

    try to enjoy every minute. i know its hard not to be scared, but when i was pregnant i read on someone’s blog (and totally overuse it in pregnant people’s blog comments LOL) that she told herself that every day she was pregnant was a good day. i tried so hard to live that mantra. there were days, whew! it was rough some days. enjoy these early come and go symptoms, soon they will be ever increasing and here to stay!!

    xoxo
    lis
    *and how lovely is m to go and get you tests to ease your mind!*

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