long day

12 Jun

yesterday i was able to see my two little dancing kumquats. both measuring on target (splitting the difference of 10w1d by being 10w2d and 10w0d). b had an arm with a teeny tiny hand over his/her face and adorable little legs that were a wiggling. a was moving around quite a bit as well – putting on a show for me. both had strong heartbeats. 167 and 177. and then after the u/s i was able to hear the soothing train sound of their little hearts beating away. it was incredible. as much as you might know something is going on inside it is so amazing to see it – and hear it. and so my nerves were calmed for a bit. we have officially moved to the fetal stage. all i can say is i am more and more in love with the two of them than i knew it was possible to be with two little someones who i cannot physically touch or hold in my arms yet.

last night it stormed like crazy. and this morning it was pouring. it seemed fitting somehow and i was quite content. even while thinking about my grandfather and his recent (yesterday) diagnosis with lung cancer. so i went to work and after a meeting noticed a text from my mom and a call from my sister. grandpa had a serious stroke. he is hanging in there but it isn’t clear where things will go from here. i feel disconnected. they are over 1500 miles away and i am here. last night after learning about the cancer diagnosis m and i were discussing baby names and how to incorporate my grandfathers name in somehow. and it made me sad. but hopeful for the babies at the same time. because they will need names. and family. and love. just like my grandfather needs now. well perhaps not the name part. i want to be able to tell him about the impending addition of two more great grandchildren. i hope i get that chance.

so this is all disjointed and babbling i know. but i guess what it comes down to is the interconnectedness of life. and its fragility. and it has all made for a strangely long day.

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One Response to “long day”

  1. lis 6 SatUTC2010-06-12T05:20:20+00:00UTC06bUTCSat, 12 Jun 2010 05:20:20 +0000 2009 at 5:20 AM #

    thinking of you and your family tonight
    xoxo

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