so today was adoption day. i wanted to post a before and after picture for you but it looked exactly the same so i opted against it.
don’t get me wrong i am happy to live in a state that allows second parent adoption. but really it is a somewhat futile formality. an expensive formality at that. the process is relatively straight forward. you hire attorney. attorney petitions court. home visit is waived. affidavits attesting to our relationship are submitted. putative fathers registry search is completed. fingerprints submitted. background check of m completed. and judge says yay you are a family. (so what were we before that?)
when hook was born i adopted him. and now with the wigglers m adopted them. so both of our names are on the birth certificates for all three. does this change anything? um no. but i does afford us some protection should anything go horribly amiss with one of us. it was anti-climactic. and quick. i wanted the judge to recognize how the need for a second parent adoption in this situation is ridiculous. then again i want a lot of things that aren’t happening right now. i don’t often stand on my soap box on my blog but the lack of recognition of our thirteen year relationship by the state or the federal government more than ruffles my feathers…another day another post perhaps. today was adoption day. and it was a good day.
Last night I read this update while rocking the wigglers to sleep: Hedin Family
And I cried. And held them a little tighter. And a little longer. My heart is breaking for this family. So if you would – say a little prayer for Eden and her family today.
so i may have broken the babies…at least with regard to sleep. it isn’t that they don’t sleep. It’s that they don’t sleep well. Or consistently. There have been a few nights (I can count them on one hand) when at least one baby – usually Cindy Lou – slept for more than five hours at a clip. I’m not unreasonable. They are infants – still newborns by some assessments – so getting up once or twice makes sense. I don’t expect twelve hour stretches (not that I would look that gift horse in the mouth…) but we need something to bend so it doesn’t break…
For close to the first two weeks we were home we all camped out downstairs with a swing and a bouncy seat and a pack n play – away from cribs and beds and other sleep associated things. Then we decided it was time to move on up. We put the wigglers together in a crib for about three weeks. Commence constant night waking. Lots of breastfeeding and supplementing and soothing. It wasn’t pretty for any of us. Usually m or I could be found asleep in the glider with one or both babies precariously sprawled across us. Then I saw the amazing lactation consultant who suggested among other things – co-sleeping so I could BF laying down with the wigglers always within arms reach. The promise of sleep was so enticing. So we gave it a try and put the wigglers between us in bed. And that is where they have spent their nights since then. Most nights they fall asleep downstairs with each of us holding one baby. Then we head upstairs whenever we are ready for bed (or wake up from a usually blissful doze on the couch). Often a wiggler will squawk to be fed once they are in bed and so begins our night. I am all for feeding hungry babies. But I am starting to think I am offering up the boob a little too often at night. Fussing that would likely be easily calmed is placated with a feeding. And I am up every two to three hours to feed someone. Nap time is an entirely different debacle. Let’s just say I have pretty much let them sleep where they want when they want. I figured a schedule would emerge when it should. Baby led napping if you will. And how is this working out you ask? Not so well. Naps are sporadic. And all over the place. And definitely not in sync with one another. Which essentially means I am holding at least one baby pretty close to all the time. Fun but exhausting. I appreciate showers and eating meals with more than one hand and even throwing in the occasional load of laundry unencumbered.
We have cribs. Two cribs actually. They are quite lovely. And we are hoping they will get some use because quite honestly we can’t share our bed much longer. We aren’t family bed people. And the wigglers are getting big. And well, I don’t want to go to bed at 7:00pm at night (perhaps I should but I don’t). So we have started trying to transition the wigglers to their room. And their cribs. But should they really CIO? It seems too harsh and they are still so little. Should we rock them to sleep and then lay them in their respective cribs (we have separated them now that magoo outweighs his sister by almost three pounds)? If we rock them how do you put one down without waking the other? Should we put down and soothe without picking up once in their cribs? Truth be told we are muddling through. The only thing we know at this point is they need sleep. And we need sleep. And we would like at least some of it to take place in a crib. Suggestions?
in some asian cultures the 100th day of a babies life is considered nearly – if not more – important than the first birthday. celebrations are held. special food and drink are consumed. customs are observed. prayers and thanks are offered up in appreciation of making it through what was considered the most difficult part of a newborns life. after reading about the 100 days when hook was born it struck a tenet within me. perhaps there is no monumental shift when a baby reaches 100 days but it still means something. even if is just a symbol of hope for fewer sleepless nights or less crying or more progress toward milestones it matters (every day matters of course but you rarely hear anyone say – oh my baby is 78 days old). so yesterday was the wigglers 100th day on the outside. it was marked on my calendar and i looked forward to it. because it felt significant (if only to me). there were no celebrations. no family and friends gathering to wish the wigglers well. but it was a good day. an important day. filled with smiles. and naps. and love. and since the wigglers weren’t born until the evening m suggested that the 100th day technically runs into today. so i will spend the rest of the day quietly celebrating all the amazing ways our life has changed in the past 100 days.
slept until nearly 8 (accompanied by smiley cooing cindy lou who).
ate homemade waffles with the fam (go m).
left the house (first time since monday).
drank an iced caramel mac. from star.bux (guilty pleasure).
brought hook to buy blue snail (to keep golden snail company in dinosaur fish tank).
ran a few miles (feeling of dying while doing so is lessening).
danced with magoo (that boy has moves).
showered (for second day in a row).
watched movie with m (<3).
can't really ask for much else.
some days things seem pretty difficult with two babies. and a six year old. then i am reminded of how fortunate we are to have healthy little ones. and i squeeze them just a little tighter as i say a prayer for the families who have not been as lucky. praying for Linus and his family (A Story of Two Moms) today and all the days to come.
i would not have seen magoo roll over. twice.
i could not have milled around the mall of america aimlessly with the wigglers and my brother and sister visiting from ct on a random friday.
i wouldn’t have cried while deleting years worth of emails from my work account before turning in my laptop.
i would not have had to change both wigglers complete outfits after diaper explosions this morning.
i would not be missing the chance to have other adults to talk to on a regular basis.
i could not have had long involved babbling conversations with each of my wigglers individually while the other napped.
i would not spend my mornings having babies smile wide gummy grins at me as my heart melts.
i would be spending far less time in bodily fluid covered pajamas.
i would be regretting all the sleepy/ amazing/silent/blissful/screaming/humbling/awe-inspiring moments that were taking place while I was gone.
I am where i need to be. and where i am needed.