family planning

20 Apr

it seems crazy to already be thinking about whether or not we want to try to have more kids. one of the first things I said after leaving the hospital with the wigglers is “even with how crazy the birth turned out to be i would do this again”. Somedays we are so sure we would like to try for another. Other days we are nearly positive our family is complete. there are so many things to consider. so many things that need to be weighed. and part of me doesn’t want to even think about it right now because I feel like it is thinking past the wigglers and that this is somehow taking something away from them. and I wonder how we would deal with a baby (or possibly two) with young children. hook has been great with the wigglers. incredible really. but he is six. And if we chose to try again we certainly won’t wait six years (not that we really waited this time either but things happen on their own schedule). i loved being pregnant. it was an amazing experience. a petrifying experience no doubt but it was so gratifying and so fantastic. to feel babies moving inside of me – nothing like it. even with the weight gain and the morning sickness and all the uncomfortable sleepless nights and the heartburn and itchy skin I would do it again in a heartbeat if that what we decide is right for our family. but how do you know? I worry that the more kids we have the less opportunities we will be able to provide for them. I worry about hook or the wigglers feeling overshadowed. I work about finances and college and feeding teenagers. And then I think about the power of siblings and the strength of family and it all seems worth it. of course in the midst of these discussions we received a bill for the store of our embryos. the potential siblings to be. and it’s hard to think of them now as just embryos. Because two of those embryos became our living breathing world changing children. so we can’t just let them go…

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