recently i read this article post: Parenthood got you down? and it resonated with me. sometimes people will admit that having a baby or, in my case, babies, is difficult. but little is said beyond that. because i think there is that inherent fear that it will seem like you don’t love your children. and that is the last thing i would want anyone to think. i struggled with IF. i felt that emptiness. there is nothing more that i want in this world than my three children. i didn’t enough know i could love anyone this much. let alone three little people. but let’s be realistic. rainbows and unicorns. they aren’t exactly encircling my house. at least not most days. it’s funny when i take a second to reflect on things. because the days come into much clearer focus. and the good rises to the surface like oil on water. and the rest of it drops away. out of sight. but in the midst of it. honestly. most days are hard. i don’t always know what i am doing. i worry that i am not attentive enough. that someone is always getting the short end of the stick. that i haven’t fed the babies enough. or spent enough time with hook. i can get overwhelmed when two babies are crying. and hook is peppering me with questions. i spend a lot of time trying to balance what seem like competing interests. so when i snap at hook. or feel exasperated because i can’t get a baby to stop crying. or can’t manage to get the dishes done. for the third day in a row. i just have to have faith that things are going as they should. that giving my best is good enough. and know that some days the best i can do may not be stellar. so while things may not always be rainbows and unicorns. i like to think that most days are at least only slightly cloudy with some galloping zebras. but some days. or at a minimum some moments. well. they just kinda suck the life out of me.
the ladies over at Mommies Making Miracles celebrated the birth of their twin boys, Parker and Zachary, at 27 weeks. sadly, after just a few days Parker passed away. these are things that should never ever happen. my heart is breaking for their family. please keep them in your thoughts and prayers.
and they oddly are. some days are leisurely. others feel almost frantic. we go to the zoo. to the park. we take hook to camp. and pick him up. in the past week we have had “play dates” with two other twin moms. and of course their babies. we have gone to the zoo. and for walks. the summer has been speeding by. the wigglers are both crawling all over. and pulling up on everything. magoo loves to let go of things and practice standing. and cindy lou has taken to falling on her behind. and laughing. i can’t imagine missing any of this. it is all going so fast. some days are hard. some days less so. but either way the weeks are flying by.