HAPPY HALLOWEEN FROM THE WIGGLERS!
I decided to jump on the carousel for this week’s blog carnival again. the topic is parenting secrets. you know you have some…
1) i let hook watch too much tv. it almost seems like he is making up for all the years he didn’t watch any. i make a concerted effort to monitor how much screen time he has but with the wigglers clamoring for attention it is sometimes easier to just let him keep watching.
2) the babies don’t get bathed every day. or often even every other day. usually 2-3 times a week. i like giving them baths but with two of them it stresses me out. and the truth is they are just going to get dirty again the next time they eat. i can keep justifying this if you like…
3) i read books and play games on my i.phone while breastfeeding. for late night feeds it keeps me awake so it seems more justified. sometimes I feel like I should be paying more attention to the babies while they feed but seriously who can stare at the side of someone’s head for hours and hours (cumulative of course). then i worry that radioactive waves are melting their brains…
you can check out some other parents secrets here: http://lovemakesafamilyblogcarnival.wordpress.com/
just when you are start to get into a rhythm. a flow. a routine. something happens to disrupt it. children are in constant flux of course. learning new things. doing different things. mastering varied skills. and we learn to adapt to the changing sleep/wake patterns, the feeding schedules, etc. the wigglers and I have gotten into a pretty comfortable schedule since hook went back to school. nothing set in stone but rather predictable. so, needless to say, we have experienced a bit of a, let’s say hiccup. yesterday morning after wigglers had eaten breakfast and were playing I decided I should get to some cleaning since a friend and her son are coming to visit for a few days. there is a tension rod in the bathroom that held up a curtain I wanted to wash (hook likes to dry his hands on it). it wouldn’t budge. so I hung on it. and down it came. as did I. as soon as I hit the floor I knew I did something. I laid there in stunned silence for a minute or two. got up and grabbed a bag of frozen locally grown organic peas to use as an ice pack. and hobbled into the living room. wigglers continued to play unphased. I sat down and texted m. “I think I broke my knee”. she responded with concern. after a few minutes wigglers needed to go down for their nap. somehow I managed to get them upstairs. m came home and I headed off to the ER. for 5 hours. after some xrays and a ct scan it turns out I did indeed break my kneecap. whoops. so I am in an immobilizer. and am supposed to be using crutches. all this of course is complicated by the two small humans who run the roost. and hook who has his own comings and goings that need to be attended to. so needless to say we are experiencing a bit of a shift in routines. not sure how much we will be getting out for a while. and i may go against my nature and actually ask for some help. and that marathon in december is clearly a no go. it could definitely be worse. it will just take some adjusting to.
so i consulted with the wigglers and here are a few things that they (and i) are enjoying. or appreciating. on a regular basis. my reasons are perhaps different than theirs but alas this is our consensus.
tommee tippee explora bibs. honestly these are the best bibs ever. when i first bought them i was like sure whatever. but now that the wigglers are eating finger foods. and routinely shoveling the food down the front of them in a feeble attempt to get it in their mouth these bibs are genius. sure there are other pocket bibs. we have some. and i like them. but these catch nearly everything. they are a soft plastic and the pocket sticks out and stays open to contain the falling debris. magoo loves to eat and is pretty good at getting the food into his mouth. cindy lou on the other handy. picky. picky. picky. she will often put something in her mouth. say a pea. or a piece of avocado. and then let it fall out. lovely. but no longer super messy. and the wigglers seem to love the fact that once i remove the trays from their high chairs they have a bonus little bag of snacks. almost like a feed bag. for babies.
ergo. i had heard of ergo’s only through reading blogs. and i thought a baby carrier is a baby carrier, right? but something about the way people wrote about this one convinced me we should have it. the price tag was admittedly a bit steep. but it has definitely been worth every penny. i was suckered into buying the infant insert as well. didn’t get much use out of it. both babies hated it. but once they hit 12lbs or so this has been my go to. every morning we walk hook to the bus stop. not the easiest task with two babies. but i put magoo in the ergo. and usually carry cindy lou (she is lighter). and we are good to go. i have started using it almost everywhere now. the boy seems comfortable. haven’t tried it on my back yet but i am willing to give it a go. i know some twin moms out there use two ergos – one baby in front and one in back. i’m not sure i’m that brave…or that strong!
leapfrog learn & groove musical table. many of the toys that the wigglers play with in their baby corral used to belong to hook. years ago i was selling off a number of hooks toys and baby equipment and this was in the car. but for some reason i put it back and didn’t sell it. good decision. about two months ago i brought this table out. and wow. the wigglers LOVE it. often they are both standing at it playing. no matter where i am downstairs i can usually hear a song coming from it. and on the annoying noise making toy scale it rates pretty low in my opinion. has an abc mode and a song mode. love watching them play and dance to the tunes.
B.O.B. Revolution Duallie. we were so very fortunate to be gifted this phenomenal stroller. i know many people think seriously why do you need a stroller that is so expensive. because it is awesome. and as a runner i must say this thing is incredible. the seats are big and as far as i can tell comfy. the wigglers just seem to relax when they are in here. the shocks are amazing. it handles better than most cars i have driven. and i can almost guarantee at least one baby will be fast asleep in there. great for the zoo, the park, running, and walks. it is big but not unwieldy.
B. Toys Hugs 🙂 Links. sure this might just look like a bucket of links. and that is what it is. but the wigglers both love them. they snap together. and pull apart. not that this is possible for either of the babies yet but it doesn’t matter. they throw them around. crawl with some in a hand. or in their mouth. put them in the container. and take them out. shake them. hook loves them too. sometimes we even have to ask him to give them back to the babies. well worth the $8.50 (at the bullseye)!
up until now i have pretty much shied away from partaking in the blog carnival discussion about donors. i read some posts. didn’t completely read others (just being honest here). and i found myself sometimes feeling like it touched a nerve. perhaps because i feel like using donor “seed” was such a small part of our journey to a family. so i just stayed away. but honestly i have had a hard time not thinking about it the past few days. damn internet.
a quick story. when i was a few months along with the wigglers one of my colleagues at work was hinting around about the donor. particularly whether the wigglers and hook had the same “dad”. i responded that yes we did use the same donor. her retort “well that is nice they will be half siblings”. i was irate. what if we hadn’t used the same donor. by choice. or necessity. or whatever. would that make my children any less siblings to one another? definitely not. anyone want to tell my six year old that his brother and sister are really only his half brother and half sister? heck no! sure the commonality of shared genes might mean something but it most certainly does not mean everything. had we adopted instead of went to ivf would those children be lesser siblings? of course not. there is no half in our family.
when we decided to try to have a baby we scoured the web for sperm banks. we looked at profiles. assessed costs. considered (very briefly) using a known donor. and then we found a bank that we really liked. it wasn’t close. shipping would be pricey. but it had what we were looking for. a small number of highly screened donors. and a history of successful pregnancies. we selected one donor who it turned out was unavailable at that time. so back to the list and we found another donor who seemed to fit for us. one paper he seemed smart. and athletic. and he told amusing stories about his childhood. and so it was decided. and the seeds were purchased. and shipped. and one iui later m was pregnant with hook. we saved the information we had on the donor so hook could see it in the future if he was so interested. we haven’t really shared it with him yet but he has started to ask some questions. and i have explained that we were able to have him with the help of a donor. a nice man who wanted to help women have babies (is this actually true? who knows but is there a better way to explain it at this age i’m not sure). he hasn’t asked much else as of yet. he has no problem telling people he has two moms when anything is mentioned about a dad. (i hope this doesn’t change). his mind is spinning a million thoughts a second so he quickly jumps from where did i come from to did you know that glass is made from sand. and when the time comes that he would like additional information we will happily share it with him.
when hook was about two we started talking about me having a baby. i contacted the sperm bank and sure enough they had some vials left. as long as we were outside of a two state area as our donor was now geographically restricted to prevent too many children from the same donor (seems pretty responsible. perhaps they should start doing the same thing with men who are impregnating women willy nilly in an area – sorry you can only have sex in other states…). so we never had to worry about a new donor. a few unsuccessful iui’s later i did start to wonder if there would be availability in the future. i will say at some point i really started to wonder about the donor. i wasn’t getting pregnant and i was fixated on it. obsessed (with pregnancy not the donor). after surgery and a few more failed iui’s i took a break. and during this break i decided to run another marathon. and for many reasons i picked the city where the sperm bank is located. i thought perhaps i could get a sense of his personality while i was there. after arriving in the city i actually went to the sperm bank. and walked around outside. and sat down in the waiting area. and just thought about the fact that i was seeing the same things that the donor had seen when he made his “deposits”. well probably not exactly the same things but still. and then i left. and ran. and went home. and we moved on to ivf. when i called about the donor i learned there were two vials left. the two i needed. and to make this babbling post shorter it suffices to say that it worked. and the wigglers are here. i don’t think much about the donor now. i appreciate his contribution to our children. but that is that. they are our children. not his. but of course we know that he has had a genetic influence. hook and magoo look remarkably alike. it is almost freaky to see pictures of the two of them at the same age. so on some things of course the contribution is undeniable. but i truly believe that nurture is much more important than nature. and our parenting and environment will ultimately be more important in who are children are than which swimmers were the strongest.
i will admit i have looked at the donor sibling registry. my mother mentioned it to me once. and yes there are other children with the same donor as ours. i refuse to go any further though. in my opinion these other children are not siblings to my children. technically maybe but they have no shared experiences. no actual parents in common. no point of overlap. would i feel different if we only had hook? i don’t think so. will i be bothered if when our kids grow up they want to seek out these genetic siblings? i don’t know. all i can say right now is we have children. three incredible children. due to our desire and determination to make a family. yes this was accomplished with the assistance of a generous donor. but after we left the respective clinics on conception day his part was over. and our part as mothers overshadowed his influence.
so i guess i did have something to say. i know – and respect – that everyone has had a different journey. and that the experience has. and is. something that is very individual to each family. this is just my take on things.