things i suck at

19 Apr

weaning. cindy lou gave up on the boob months ago. before a year. she appreciated the efficiency of a bottle and really who can blame her for that. but my boy. my sweet sweet boy. he has held on. usually only for one or two feeds a day. generally before bed. or when he wakes at night. and on occasion during the day he will come and sit on my lap. and sign milk and pull at my shirt. all okay. i hoped to breastfeed for a year. anything after that was a bonus. (or a burden depending on your perspective). but it has continued. we are past sixteen months. there have been days where he doesn’t breastfeed at all. seems unconcerned about it. and sleeps well. but other days it is like he has heard the news that i might be closing up shop. and he is frantic. wanting me to hold him. nurse him. love him. all day long. tough to do with twins. but i indulge as much as i can. which brings us to now. i am okay with continuing to breastfeed my boy. happy about it even. but i am going away for a few days. next weekend. i am headed to big sur. to run up and down big big big hills. with amazing people. without my children. any of them. the first time i left hook overnight he was over four. the wigglers are 16 months. the original plan was a trip away right before their first birthday. but then i went and broke my knee cap. whoops. so we haven’t had to deal. and now we do. magoo nursing. me leaving. i don’t have much of an intention to pump. not sure it would yield much. so i am not sure what to do. or where we will be. but it is indeed where we are. my boy who still looks to me for comfort. reassurance. maybe some bit of sustenance (though doubtful). that i will not be able to provide for a few days. not sure where we will be when i return. i have no doubt he will be fine. okay. happy. fantastic. in m’s care. but i am still worried he will feel rejected. alone. like i set him off to suffer alone. i guessing i should have tried to make this weaning thing happen a little sooner…

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3 Responses to “things i suck at”

  1. tbean 6 FriUTC2012-04-20T19:40:47+00:00UTC04bUTCFri, 20 Apr 2012 19:40:47 +0000 2009 at 7:40 PM #

    I don’t think Magoo will feel abandoned or any other bad thing while you are gone. He’ll be happily in the moment, playing with his brother, sister, and mom. And he’ll be elated to see you when you are back. I would just enjoy the trip, don’t pump and see what happens when you get back. If he asks to nurse, great. If he moves to being weaned because of this short trip, that’s okay too.

  2. allison-lee 6 SatUTC2012-04-21T15:54:39+00:00UTC04bUTCSat, 21 Apr 2012 15:54:39 +0000 2009 at 3:54 PM #

    I second tbean’s comment. I’m sure you’ll all make it through unscathed and just roll with whatever happens once you’re back. Have a great trip!

  3. bionicbrooklynite 6 SunUTC2012-04-22T19:18:56+00:00UTC04bUTCSun, 22 Apr 2012 19:18:56 +0000 2009 at 7:18 PM #

    things i never thought i’d be avoiding: weaning. i was so sure i would be so.fucking.done by now. funny old world.

    i agree with the wise posters about about magoo. he will be fine and happy. have a great trip.

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