the brink

16 Dec

tomorrow my sweet sweet babies will be two. two whole years old. 731 days old (thanks to a leap year in there). i wish i could say i remember them all. i wish i could say they have all been easy. and fun. and i have never felt overwhelmed. exhausted. or downright depressed. but that would not be true. my children are indeed the lights of my life. i cannot imagine who or where i would be without them. they bring me immeasurable joy. and at time intense anger. and extreme sadness. hook was indeed my first wish. and the wigglers – they were my little miracles. it took years. and i must say i think those years were needed. i grew. i learned. i changed. i learned how to parent. and i believed that i deserved to parent these amazing little beings.

i look at them now. tonight. sleeping. in their cribs at the moment (but as you all know that is subject to change at any moment). they have no idea that tomorrow is momentous. no idea this is the anniversary of their birth. no concept of what it took to make them. grow them. or give birth to them. but i do. those days i remember so very clearly. the procedures. the months of pregnancy. the immense swelling of my belly as two little lives kicked around inside. the incredible love i felt for them from the instant i saw them on the ultrasound screen and the overwhelming fear i often felt at the thought of anything happening to either of them. once i saw them both i knew they needed one another. loved one another. and were a pair. and indeed they are.

i will not say the past year has been easy. in some ways it has actually been more difficult than the first year. most days i feel like i am just trying to survive them. i have little people now not little babies. they run. and jump. and climb EVERYTHING. they throw things. hit one another. and belly laugh nonstop. they cry. and can only sometimes articulate what they want or need. they are best friends. and worst enemies. but in the end they rely on one another. whether it is to push things together to escape from a room (lord help me). or to cuddle and rub one anothers back. or to share snacks and toys. i have been driven past the point of exhaustion. and held completely captive by how amazing it is to watch them grow and change by leaps and bounds on a daily basis. at times i cannot help but laugh when magoo says “damn cindy lou is upstairs again” or “no magoo. we don’t hit. time out for you.” they are coming into their own. so different in so many ways and still bound together in so many others. as much as i wonder how we get through the days at times i could not imagine it any other way – nor would i want to. they are individuals. with their own needs. their own wants. and their own directions (usually opposite). but they also are my little pair of babies. heathens. goons. monsters. love muffins. and miracles. with an amazing big brother who provides an exceptional example of love. life. and kindness.

happy second birthday my littlest loves. you have enriched my life far more than you will ever know. you were so worth the wait.

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5 Responses to “the brink”

  1. Jackie 6 SunUTC2012-12-16T01:30:35+00:00UTC12bUTCSun, 16 Dec 2012 01:30:35 +0000 2009 at 1:30 AM #

    Beautiful. Heartfelt. Happy Birthday, Wigglers!

  2. bionicbrooklynite 6 SunUTC2012-12-16T21:25:58+00:00UTC12bUTCSun, 16 Dec 2012 21:25:58 +0000 2009 at 9:25 PM #

    It’s not just me, eh? πŸ˜‰

    Happy birthday and congratulations to all concerned.

  3. Jen 6 MonUTC2012-12-17T10:14:02+00:00UTC12bUTCMon, 17 Dec 2012 10:14:02 +0000 2009 at 10:14 AM #

    happy birthday kiddos!

  4. allison-lee 6 MonUTC2012-12-17T10:15:20+00:00UTC12bUTCMon, 17 Dec 2012 10:15:20 +0000 2009 at 10:15 AM #

    Happy Birthday little ones. πŸ™‚

  5. strawberry 6 MonUTC2012-12-17T11:31:56+00:00UTC12bUTCMon, 17 Dec 2012 11:31:56 +0000 2009 at 11:31 AM #

    Happy birthday to your wigglers, and happy “you-made-it-through-two-years” to their parents as well! πŸ˜‰

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